( Letter sent to the Kirby Vacuum Company )

Itís Out of the Closet ! ! !

It looks like I am going to be forced to take a secret out of the closet as most of you will find out before long anyway. I have run into a real beauty and she is now living with me. I donít want to sound like Iím bragging, but I can tell you that she is a well-known super model. You may recognize her by name, Kirby Sentria. I moved her in here last week and since then we have been almost inseparable. Please keep all this within the group of our family and friends as I donít want this to get into the news media. And please donít call her or write her. She is not stuck up, nor does she dislike anybody in my family....itís just that she simply will not answer.As you might guess, she is strictly high maintenance......but oh, my ... she certainly is worth the effort. She is definitely not a singer, but I love to hear her hum around the house. I blush to admit it, but we even shampooed together earlier this week ! I realize Iím old enough to be her great-great-grandfather, but I figure "what the heck" ? Suffice it to say she has really lit up the dark corners of my life. I have taken the liberty to attach her picture....if you donít approve or think Iíve made a mistake, please donít tell me.........Iím having too good a time.